AIRSTRIP ONE

Hi, I'm Jim...

Know me as Gemineye Jim or Jim Gemineye. Anything, as long as it's not Jim Gemineye chéri! On the other hand, Eric is a nice name..

BLAIR'S MILLENNIUM

Eric Blair wrote the book 1984 using the pen name GEORGE ORWELL. Like all good science fiction 1984 dealt not so much with fanciful illusions about the future, but about his own perceptions of his time (1948). Writers sometimes have to use outlandish contexts in order to break the barriers of preconceptions that readers put up. However, in creating this new context, he explored several ideas that we could apply to other eras and also see come to fruition in this new millennium.

• Telescreen - we thought this was his view of the new medium of TV being used to brainwash the masses. That was before digital TV came along. Digital TV will evolve - it will be on all the time, it will be two way - the TV in the bedroom will have to go.
• Newspeak - Didn't quiet get this right. The idea was destroy the ability to express unorthodox ideas by destroying the language required to communicate them. This was done by simplification. Well, if anything, language has become even more complex. But some might argue that corruption of words like cool and wicked accomplish the same thing as Newspeak. On the other hand with the creation of a ‘drug culture' do you need Newspeak? If you're on the right drugs you can drivel on for hours without saying anything meaningful - let alone radical.
• Chocolate rations - Not quite sure why chocolate rations figured so much in Orwell's vision. It was used as a kind of reward or punishment. If news was bad, chocolate rations were reduced - if news was good, chocolate rations were increased. It was as if the people were held to blame for events in Airstrip One, We don't have chocolate rations now - but we do have interest rates.

Airstrip One was the new name for England or Britain under the regime of Big Brother.

Welcome to a different kind of spin... it's less gassy and leaves no bitter after-taste.

WILL BLAIR EVER ADOPT A SENSIBLE POSITION ON EUROPE?

I ask questions like that in a month I'm feeling foolish

FREE TRADE or SLAVE TRADE?

NEWS STORIES FROM ANOTHER PLANET:

• USA sends humanitarian aid to Mozambique - but later withdraws when they couldn't find anything to bomb.
• Trade Secretary Stephen Byers says £50 for a bottle of tomato sauce is far too cheap, Britain is not ripping you off - these tomatoes are flown from Argentina to the USA where they're pureed and from there they go to Spain where they are bottled and then we buy them from a wholesaler in France - £50 doesn't even cover the air freight! An official said later: He's fully recovered now.
• WTO insists Britain must grow bananas, but British farmers complain that they can't grow them straight enough for EU standards. Caribbean's are told to diversify into Whelks - which can be sold in Skegness at triple the price of local produce.
• European Parliament outlaws all parties that reject European Federalism.
• Inflation is up - So interest rates are set to rise again. This will push up the cost of mortgages - which will push up inflation figures which include mortgage payments - Inflation is up - people are spending too much - So interest rates are set to rise again...

Well it's time to leave the magic roundabout - bye bye - till next year.

GREENGRASS FOR MAYOR

It's a weird world. Take Frank Dobson, Tony Blair loves him and the press hate him. As for Ken Livingstone, Tony Blair hates him and the press love him. But the love/hate bit is irrelevant really. It's about where the focus is...

There are several other candidates standing for Mayor - let's see what are their names? So the focus in this contest is between a Labour Mayor and a Labour Mayor. Reassuring to know that democracy thrives in London. It's a weird world, but it could be weirder...

Greengrass is the name, an and I'm standing for Mayor of London. I'm the best man for the job, any fool can see that. And so what if there's a few quid in it for me. As long as everybody does all right out of it, there's no harm done like is there? I've got some great ideas - that Milleniumium Dome thing, we can fill that with gold, the ba Bank of Englands selling it off cheap - an all that Euro lot are dumpin the stuff as well. No ones buying nowt, ‘cept the Dutch, so there'll be rich pickings. I mean, someones gonta get it cheap, so's it might as well be us. And while it's sittin there we can charge people a few bob to come and look at it. One of my better ideas don't ya think? As for transport, well I also know somewhere you can get a few bicycles cheap. You know, I think I'm on to a winner here.

In the end I think it won't matter who we vote for, we'll somehow end up with Greengrass. A year from now we'll be howling for their blood. Just look across the Atlantic, when was the last time New York city had a Mayor that wasn't accused of corruption or incompetence?

BARCLAYS DOWNSIZES

The latest TV advertising for Barclays Bank is a bit ironic don't you think? At a time it is fawning over bigness, it is closing down 172 branches.

Possibly it find's itself getting too... let's see - what's the word...

And possibly it is right. If it is too big to run local banks profitably, then it has no business running them. Best leave it to a smaller bank that can.

ARE WE READY?

A misleading question. I keep hearing that we are only to join the Euro when the time is right. A bit like asking someone to marry you and being told "I'm not ready for that yet". We all know that means: NO. They are just to timid to admit it.

There is no question of ever being 'ready'. It is an ideological step: do we want to be apart of a super state or not. YES or NO, being ready has nothing to do with it. It is NOT a question of economics. If it were, there would never be a 'right' time. If changing economic factors here or in Europe make being a part of a super state undesirable - then there will be a time, if we are part of a super state, when it will be undesirable again. What goes around, comes around.

So I have to ask... If there is only a moment when the time is right, why is Government preparing to take us on an irreversible path that is forever?

You only need remember one thing, people who marry for economic reasons often regret it.